Moment to Moment

While going through my treatment for cancer I lived moment to moment. Sometimes a hopeful moment turned into a moment of despair. Things changed instantly and one of the most disturbing things about going through my treatment was not the radiation or chemo appointment where I became used to my routine and forged relationships with the technicians and Rn's who tended to my cancer, but it was those moments of uncertainty when I would sit in my family room or on the edge of my bed in the middle of the night and my mind would race while I tried to hang onto what I like to call my pre-cancer personality.

One of the most important things to me was and still is not to let cancer win by changing my heart. I wanted to go through this unfamiliar territory with my dignity in tact. This was not an easy feat for many reasons.

In the beginning I was very private and was careful not to let everyone know what I was going through. I wanted to have concrete information before allowing them into the most difficult and private battle I will probably ever face. But as we all know information gets out. On several occasions I was blindsided with a question I really was not ready to answer.

These moments were difficult for me to deal with so I decided that rather than trying to throw a blanket over the elephant in the room I would openly discuss my treatment and use these times as teaching moments for those inexperienced with asking the uncomfortable questions.

I began to look at my cancer as a gift, a gift of educating others on how to treat a person with cancer.


Celeste