The charting of my course was probably the most difficult thing I did as I wrestled with the reality of my situation. So many decisions to make and no one to make them with me. There were times when it was almost unbearable and I opted out of making them at all on those days.
There was no time to be frightened or think too much about my future. I concentrated on the immediate issues at hand. Because my original prognosis was excellent and the treatment very straightforward it was pretty easy to lull myself into a rhythm of compliance.
The first thing to be done was to meet with my team plus one. My team consisted of a Radiologist, Oncologist and of course my Surgeon. You know your getting older when everyone in the room is younger than you are by decades. Oh, don't let me leave out the plus one! She was the volunteer who wrapped up the six hours of confusion and terror.
I met separately with each doctor and they explained their job on my team. I will tell you while it certainly was no one's fault I felt they were the team and they were coming at me from all sides.There is no good way to go about explaining to someone they have a life threatening tumor.
These doctors were experts in their respective fields and their competence was awe inspiring. The volunteer on the other hand needed a bit of work. She came in, handed me a book bag and began to tell me about its contents. A book on breast cancer and finding my "wellness", a dictionary on terms associated with my cancer, and several books explaining the who, what and where of breast cancer. Oh, don't let me forget the candle that she was lucky to snag for me!
I have to tell you it is no wonder I didn't go screaming from the exam room after all that had transpired that day. I couldn't have cared less about candles and book bags, all I really wanted was someone to talk this over with.
Celeste
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