I am not sure if it was turning sixty or surviving cancer that has made me so desperate for a change. If I really sit down and analyze the last couple of years too much I begin to feel the breath being sucked out of my lungs and I become panicky with the fear that there may not be enough time.
So now as I sit back at the age of sixty I wonder what next. I feel very unsatisfied with what I perceive my future to be. I understand so clearly that in order to move forward I must have a plan which puts me in first position. What an odd thought because I think women inherently put others first.
Stepping back through the doors of the past I realize I have wasted a good part of my life trying to please others. My parents had an exemplary daughter who wanted nothing more than to please them and I truly do think I was successful with that-CHECK
My friends have had the best of me. My patience, my ear along with my unselfish wise counsel as I listened to their problems and concerns on a wide variety of subjects-CHECK.
My employers have had a loyal committed staff member who often took on responsibility she really did not need to for their benefit-CHECK
In saying all of this I would never want anyone to think that I certainly have not taken every opportunity to express myself, lean on and generally seek help and counsel from all of the above. So I guess the lesson here is there comes a time when in order to move forward we must go deep inside ourselves.
Who would ever have believed that it would take me sixty years to come to terms with myself and what some feel were my poor choices. I am grateful there is still time to live my dream.
Celeste
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