Reinvention

I am finding the road back from my journey into the mouth of hell almost more difficult than the actual battle. The battle for my physical well-being was frightening but extremely well orchestrated by my doctors. This part of the trip named by a friend of mine as my "reconstruction period" seems more difficult. It was not easy nor was it anything but extremely demanding on both my physical and emotional health to have surgery and then be zapped with radiation thirty times. Once that was finished it was time to fill my already exhausted body full of chemo and Herceptin for the better part of a year.

While I am most grateful for the wonderful care I had and the excellent prognosis I continue to enjoy the treatment has left me in a barely functioning state. A state of exhaustion follows me around like damp sticky blanket ready to drop on any ambitious thought I might possess. I have now become what I call "The one task a day girl". I find it almost impossible to get out of the way as that fast moving freight train hits me and smacks me down. I try to eat well but sleep is illusive.

I must now completely change everything in my life to make a successful recovery. I have said often through this process how much I really loved my old life. Being a Realtor and doing scads of volunteer work was my heaven. Lunch with friends and conversations about the latest art exhibit or that last Silent Auction benefiting a favorite charity we all attended was very fulfilling for me.

However now that I have experienced this mind numbing, nail biting, stress causing terror I cannot possibly go back and pretend I didn't see and experience what I did. This experience has now drawn me in and complacency will not do. I now add myself to the ranks of those who cannot sit idly by.

Celeste